Touch Me Softly
by kokoro no ookami
Summary: Sometimes all it takes is a soft touch to the heart in order to heal. Sometimes that special touch can become a caress. Once burned, twice shy they say, but sometimes you have to watch out for the shy ones. YAOI


I have never hated running my father's enterprise. Not really. I didn't mind toiling away for hours and hours, coming home only to sleep. It was ok because I was helping. I haven't even complained about the ridiculous projects the company promoters came up with for marketing. It wasn't a big deal. But today, as I am at yet another meeting in which the issue of publicity shall be discussed, I'm very ready to storm out raging and cussing. Really, I am.   
  
"Mr. Winner, I propose that we merger with the new Merquise Peace Relations organization. If we could somehow convince Mr. Peacecraft to join in our efforts, our reputation would double!" He seems so enthusiastic about this that I can't dredge up any anger. There is plenty of irritation though. Doesn't he understand after the six years he's been at the company that it isn't about the reputation? I just want to help keep the peace that everyone has worked so hard to obtain. The peace we have now was won with the sacrifice of many innocent lives, what could a reputation matter, compared to that?  
  
"I'm sorry," I tell him, unable to show my true frustration, "but don't you think it might be dangerous, for someone to get close to a man that can be quite volatile?" That's a lie, and I feel awful about it, but I don't think just anyone will be able to reach the heart of the Lightning Count. I have felt such cold detachment from him, occasionally rage, but still an icy one. To get him to agree to a merger, someone would have to get close enough to him that he would consider doing it. It would be exceptionally difficult to achieve if the chosen person was not an ex-soldier or pilot.   
  
"That's the thing, I've already thought about that factor!" I appreciate his enthusiasm, if I wasn't in such a bad mood I think I would have been quite heartened by it. "If we could get someone familiar with him, someone that could easily work their way into his life, it could work!" I know I must be tired, because for some reason what he's saying doesn't seem to be as far-fetched as it did mere seconds ago. I sigh; I guess I should be looking on this with a little bit more of tolerance. It's just we've already been here about an hour discussing nothing particularly important. Maybe I should just hear this guy out; hopefully it will get me out of here faster.   
  
"Alright Paul, what is this idea of yours." I say, softening the impatience in my voice with a smile. I really should try and be more sociable. It's not fair if I treat people with less kindness than they deserve because I happen to be in a bad mood. His eyes light up and I'm glad I pushed aside my feelings on the subject.   
  
"Well, the thing is, Mr. Winner, my team and I couldn't come up with anyone working here who had been in the war and would be able to go up to Mr. Peacecraft with no long standing grudges." It figures. "But then, that's a lie. We did find one person." He seems suddenly nervous. "There's an ex-Gundam pilot currently in employment here. He's had to deal with Mr. Peacecraft before and doesn't seem to hold his past actions against him." Oh, Allah. I don't want to do this. I know what's involved. There is no way that I will be able to get past that man's barriers.   
  
"Me? What would I be able to do?"   
  
"Mr. Winner, with all due respect, you're the only one with a heart big enough to accept this man for who he is. And we are all in concurrence that this opportunity will be good for you. You haven't been quite the same since…the incident." I'm shocked, and a twinge of pain shoots through my chest at the mention of…. But do they really think so much of me? Do they believe I can realistically achieve this? Smiling, and actually meaning it this time, I nod and stand. I really have no choice but to accept this proposal.   
  
"Alright, I'll do it." Now I have to leave, I can't stand staying in this room any longer.   
  
*  
  
My room is calling to me, I can hear it! I long for the comfort of my soft sheets and the desert smell my area has taken. I really need to talk to Rashid though, I don't know if I'll be able to handle this new 'assignment'. It's too soon after…well, it's too soon. I have to find Rashid. I've looked everywhere; I don't know where he could be!   
  
"Master Quatre, what are you doing in this part of the mansion?" Rashid!   
  
"I've been looking for you. I wanted to talk to you."  
  
"What is it Master Quatre?" I sigh again and lead him into a study room nearby. It's amazing how many you can find in this mansion. To tell the truth, I wouldn't mind living in a smaller home. A much smaller home. Where no one can find me…yes, that is a good idea.   
  
"Paul has come up with a new marketing idea. He wants to merger with the Merquise Peace Relations organization." I need some tea; the idea is actually starting to sound plausible, which is beginning to worry me, considering what will be involved in the process.   
  
Rashid looks at me in a weird manner. I know he's confused, but I am very reluctant to continue. It will bring up past memories that are still too fresh for me.   
  
"I don't see the problem in that," he says slowly, I can tell he's going over all the possibilities in his mind. He's rather sharp when he wants to be, but he can't seem to grasp what this certain task implies.   
  
"Rashid, as much as I would like this to work, as much as I think it would further advance our ability to help keep peace, this man is has a solid barrier of ice around his heart."   
  
"Why would that matter? Shouldn't he want to join us to keep peace?" He doesn't get it.   
  
"You see though, Milliardo Peacecraft is a very distrustful man. He might have worked with the Gundam Pilots to ensure peace during Dekim Barton's siege, but after he returned from the Mars Project he's been reluctant to work with anyone. All the people working for him are people he took the time to check out."   
  
Rashid smiles and I can see the wheels turning in his head. "Oh, yes, I understand now. You would have to open your heart to this man in order for him to open his. I think it's a great idea!" Well I think I'm going deaf. Did he just say that he thought I should do it?  
  
"But Rashid! I don't think I will be able to do anything. Even if I do…open my heart to him, how am I supposed to get past his walls? You do realize that it is more than that. What they want is a relationship."   
  
Rashid chuckles; I don't understand what he thinks is so funny. Shaking his head at me he reaches out and ruffles my hair. It comforts me and brings back memories of when I fought with the Maguanacs. "Master Quatre, you underestimate yourself. I have faith in you, and I'm sure everyone else does too. It's the only reason they would have decided to go through with this." It means a lot to me that he believes I can do this.   
  
"Thank you Rashid. I don't know what I would do without you." I'm more optimistic about my mission now. That's what I'm going to think of it as, my mission. It got me through the war, I'm sure it will get me through a marketing excursion. I don't want to think of what will happen if Zechs does decide to let me in and agrees to the merger. I refuse to think about that now.   
  
Rashid gets up now, going back to his quarters no doubt. Probably to check up on Abdul, who has been quite sick lately and has stayed with Rashid. Turning to me as he walks out the door he leaves a parting comment that sets me slightly on edge.  
  
"Oh, and Master Quatre? Try not to let your past with Trowa Barton affect you. Old love is best left behind before it becomes a hindrance in future times."   
  
I'm going to be thinking about that all night now.   
  
*  
  
Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. Up there with the night my father died and the night Trowa…left me. Well, ok, so it wasn't that bad, but I tossed and turned all night long; I couldn't get Rashid's words out of my head. Was I allowing the depressing emotions from my past relationship to affect my everyday attitude? Now that he had pointed it out I realize that I had been sort of snappish lately. And I had less and less patience as well.   
  
It won't affect me anymore, I won't let it. I made a promise to myself, as I was lying sleeplessly in my sheets last night. If I am to become friendly with Milliardo Peacecraft then I must have a clear state of mind. Which is why I'm heading to a small meditation area in a remote village near here. I go there whenever the stress overcomes me or when I become too angry. Anger leads to fear, fear leads to hate, and hate leads to death.   
  
The mansion in which the Winners work in happens to be located on the edge of the Gobi Desert, something I arranged when I began to accept my position among the family. The desert calms me somehow, and I feel at home here. It was something Trowa had never understood. But when you wake up in the morning and can look out your window to see a transfixing sunrise, you can't help but feel like everything will be alright. It makes you realize--that no matter how bad things seem your problems are insignificant in the grand scheme of life.  
  
In the stables I briefly pass by my horse Sandrock. I know it's a bit weird to name a horse after a Gundam but I miss my old friend, and having another companion with the same name has helped. He's a thoroughbred Arabian, still only three years old. Seems everything in my life has to do with the desert. I feel close to it, I guess. Past my horse's stall are the ones for the camels, most of the people here don't particularly like riding by camel but it's the only way to safely get to some of the little towns out a bit farther. I take one of the smaller camels out and grab some riding equipment. I hope I don't come across a sandstorm while I'm out.  
  
I'm in luck though, the wind isn't flinging much sand in my face, but there are no clouds in the sky and the sun is extremely hot. I'm glad I put some sunscreen on before I left. Despite living constantly in the sun, I still retain my pale skin. Unfortunately that means that I burn easily. I really hate getting sunburned; it puts me in a foul mood for the entire duration.   
  
I can see the town in the distance now. It's a nice little village with a pleasant bazaar. I often stay here when my sisters decide I need to spend some time 'bonding' with them. I like having so many siblings to care for me, it makes me feel special, but sometimes it can be a bit much. Especially when they decide they need to help in my love life. When I was with him they laid off, and we were together for a good two years, but it has been over for close to a year now and they're starting over full throttle. They love to set me up on blind dates. I don't have that much of a problem with it, but I really wish they would try to find out more information than name, age, sexual preferences, and chastity. It isn't like I would ever enter a serious relationship with any of them.   
  
Finally at the village I dismount, happy that I chose the small one. It is a lot harder than it looks to descend from these massive mammals. I wave to a few shop members who notice me, I've been here frequently and most of the people here know me. I make my way over to my destination amiably waving at a few of the more familiar merchants. They're very nice people and they give great advice. But today I'm here for relaxation, and closure a little part in the back of my mind pipes up. Yes, I suppose I am hoping to find some peace within my heart and gain a bit of my old persona back. It was shocking for me to realize just how much I have changed. You know you're acting weird when your marketing chief notices something wrong.   
  
Stepping through one of the only buildings with solid doors I let the cool air wash over me in waves. Ah the wonders of central air conditioning! As much as I like the desert, sometimes the heat is too much for me to bear. I guess it's because I'm not really from Arabia.   
  
"Master Quatre!" calls a voice from behind the desk and I'm pleased to see someone I recognize from being in the Maguanacs. I can feel the smile on my face as I make my way over to him and I realize that I'm truly happy to be here.   
  
"Hello, Bashir, how are you doing?"  
  
"I'm well, Master Quatre; I should ask how you're doing!"  
  
"Please, you don't have to call me that, and I'm doing all right, I guess. Rashid and Abdul are staying with me for the moment." He seems happy, I wish he wouldn't call me that though, I get embarrassed enough every time Rashid says it. I can feel my cheeks blush even now. Bashir grins at me and leads me to a private room with an incense burner off to one side along with a variety of incense. I'm grateful that the rooms are solitary, sometimes I feel uncomfortable meditating in front of people. I always think I'm doing something wrong. Maybe it's just me.  
  
Sighing I look over the selection of incense. I don't usually have a preference, but there are few that tend to calm me more than others. I like myrrh, and sandalwood is nice, but I'm not sure which one to pick. The thought that I hadn't yet closed the door flap flashes in the back of my mind but it doesn't hold any importance to me at the moment. A few seconds more of my indecision flashes by before a deep voice startles me.   
  
"You might want to use the sandalwood, the shipment of myrrh didn't come in right and the scents are all mixed up. The only one not affected was the sandalwood." Holy Camel-Toe! [1] I so did not hear that man walk up behind me! Prying myself away from the wall I turn and am shocked once again into clinging for my life. Standing right in front of me in all his six foot, platinum blonde glory is Zechs Merquise/Milliardo Peacecraft smiling amusedly at me. Oh Allah, what am I going to do now? I'm feeling dizzy; I think the heat is getting to me.   
  
I'm swaying now, and I think I'm going to fall. I should have brought more water with me. The room is spinning, is it supposed to do that? The next thing I know two strong arms are wrapping around me and keeping me anchored to the floor. I know I'm blinking stupidly at him but I can't help it. I'm all flustered, and confused, and I think I'm even blushing! Why does this have to happen to me? I wasn't supposed to meet up with him for the next couple of days, and now here I am in his arms trying not to throw up from the dehydration sapping at my energy.   
  
"Are you all right? Hey, can you hear me?" I hear his voice but it seems so far away, and now that I think about it he has a really toe-curling voice. It's deep and sort of rumbles from his chest. Ugh, I feel a headache. This is weird, I've never experienced this so unexpectedly. Usually it comes upon me gradually, and I can recognize the symptoms long before it gets this bad. I'm thinking too much, maybe I'll just rest my head right here on this thinly clothed chest so conveniently placed….  
  
*  
  
I don't think I have ever been as embarrassed as I was this last hour. When my dizzy spell hit Zechs had rushed over and caught me, picking me up effortlessly in his well-muscled arms. I think he carried me all the way to the small infirmary in the building because when the spots finally cleared from my vision that's where I was. And the most embarrassing part to me was the fact that he stayed with me the entire time. Now he's even walking me back to my camel! I'll admit, it's really sweet, but I don't think I've stopped blushing since I saw him. He must think I'm still a child who can't even take care of his own needs. I should say something; I mean this is what I was going to do later on right? I was going to get to know him. I don't even know where to start…  
  
"Well Mr. Winner, I hope you're feeling better." Oh Allah, does he have a sexy voice. Arg! Stop thinking, stop thinking!   
  
"Oh yes, very much so. It was really very stupid of me to have not brought more water. I usually have some with me whenever I go out into the small towns around here." Okay, that didn't sound too bad. Maybe I can get this conversation thing right. Everyone seems to think I'm some perfectly articulated politician, yeah right.  
  
He smiles at me, a very pretty smile I might add, and stops at a small shop. Should I stop as well? He doesn't have to walk me all the way to my camel; he doesn't even have to walk me at all. But then, why would he escort me half way there only to stop? And I don't really want this to end yet, I mean this is one of the few times I've met the man and he's really handsome! This merger idea is starting to look better and better. Okay, now I'm being selfish. I should really be thinking about the opportunities the merger will produce. Not the relationship that's bound to come with it. That's another thing I don't understand, why a romantic relationship? Why not just friendship? Then again, I sometimes get the feeling that everyone I know is out to set me up.   
  
I make up my mind to stay as he is now motioning for me to approach him. My steps are a bit hesitant but I'm curious as to what he's doing. He's got something in his hands; it looks like an armband of some kind. What would he be doing with that?   
  
"Mr. Winner, how do you like this?" he asks me and now I'm really confused. What does he need my opinion for?  
  
"I think it's very nice. Are you buying it as a gift?"   
  
"Yes and no, I'm buying it for you." Okay, there is something wrong with this man. I'm sure of it. Yeah it was sweet of him to help me and walk me out, but really, buying an expensive looking armband made of silver with gold lining? And is that an amethyst stone in the center? Okay, wow, this is really nice. It has three bands of silver twined together with gold lining the crevices. It meets in the center to form a circle with the bands spiraled to the middle where an amethyst resides. He wants to give this to me? Why?  
  
"Mr. Peacecraft." Is that what I should call him? "Mr. Peacecraft you have no need to buy me anything, let alone something as expensive as this." He smiles at me again and simply pays for the item. I know I must be spluttering because he's giving me this cute little chuckle. Cute? What's wrong with me, I just met the man!  
  
"Here, I hope you like it Mr. Winner. And please call me Milliardo, or even Zechs."   
  
"Yes I do like it, very much so, but you didn't need to do that. Why did you? And if I'm to call you by your first name then you should call me by mine." He laughs again and smiles a little wider.   
  
"It doesn't matter that much, just accept the gift and be quiet." He has really lightened up since the war, hasn't he? But then, somehow I'm getting that this is all a mask, that he holds many secrets and doesn't let the darker aspect of his personality show. It's not good for him; it's all going to explode in a whirl of emotions one day. He seems fine for now, I can still feel that barrier of ice if I try and sense his emotions. Though there is a genuine trace of humor escaping. What about this does he find so funny? Sighing I smile back at him, the least I can do is take his advice to heart.   
  
I feel kind of funny as we reach my camel. Why does my camel sound so weird? Random thought of mine. Anyways, I don't exactly want to leave just yet. Maybe I should say something.   
  
"Thank you for helping me back there Zechs, and for the gift even if I still don't know why you did it." I say, watching as he smiles again. Okay, now it's starting to get on my nerves. Why is he grinning like that? I mount the camel and I'm still feeling weird. I don't understand.   
  
Zechs shakes his head at me and steps back, ready to see me off. I turn the camel to leave when a parting comment of his stops me.   
  
"The truth is…I got the armband to piss off Relena! She hates me spending money!" I'm laughing now; the man has a sense of humor! Maybe this won't be so hard after all. It's not until I'm halfway home when I realize I didn't get to arrange a get together, I refuse to call it a date yet.  
  
*  
  
Back in the comfort of my own room I can finally relax and analyze what exactly happened between Zechs and me. It's eating away at me. Could I really be that attracted to the man after we'd just met? Then again, I guess attraction has nothing to do with knowing the person. That's love….I did not just think that. I don't plan on falling in love with him. That's a definite no-no. Once is quite enough for me thanks. I don't think it's even possible for me to experience that same kind of elation again. I have to admit it to myself, Trowa broke my heart and it's changed me. And I don't know what to do to get over it. Why am I dwelling over this now? It seems like he haunts me every time I'm alone. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes but I stubbornly push them down. I haven't cried once and I'm quite proud of myself.   
  
Flopping down on my bed I tell myself to quit my line of thought. Someone once told me that dwelling on the past is pointless, that you had to leave it behind you and continue on with no worries…sounds suspiciously like a line that some pre-colony Disney movie would have…  
  
My mind circles around pointlessly for a few moments, making pit stops at Randomville, Idle Town, and Boredom Bridge until finally halting at Zechs. Why is he such a mystery to me? What could have occurred to make his heart so closed off? I think that's what is intriguing me the most. The fact that this man still manages to get along well with society and at the same time remain completely detached from almost everyone. It seems pointless to me, how can being apart from the world help any? How would someone experience all the emotions that make living worthwhile? Then again, it would be a way to stop the pain, to take away that awful aching that constantly plagues the human race in its raging darkness…okay, that was way angst. Even for me in my current state of mind. Wait, that doesn't make sense, I'm the one who thought it!  
  
In a random moment I remember the way his long, silky blonde hair caught the light of the desert. It made his face seem radiant and heavenly. Arg, listen to me! I sound so sappy. But he really is gorgeous. He has almost Greek like features, and his eyes are the most spectacular shade of crystal blue! His arms are muscled but not bulky and it makes him more attractive to me. And Allah! His legs go on for days, rising gracefully to connect to one extremely nice…  
  
I shake my head, trying to be rid of the swirling vortex that consists of my thoughts. I can't help but be drawn to that one notion though. Is that why Zechs closes himself off? So that he can't be hurt? I don't understand why he would do that. I mean, there are a lot of things that can hurt us, but we learn from them and move on so that we can take care not to be injured again. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. Even though Trowa left a seemingly forever hole that could never be filled in my heart, I will always treasure the good memories that we shared. It wasn't like we parted on bad terms, just that the break-up itself left so many scars for me. I was so in love with him that it didn't even occur to me that he could love someone else. Especially not someone as familiar as Duo. I should have seen it though, those last six months as we drifted apart. But I was in a fantasy land where nothing existed that could challenge my love. How stupid. I can't blame Duo, he had no part in Trowa falling in love with him, and how could he have stopped it anyway?   
  
But Zechs, what reason could he have for the walls he's built? They're practically impenetrable! The only way I can see for someone to be let in is for Zechs himself to allow it. It seems pretty rare that he would. I wonder, would he ever let me in? Would I ever be able to melt the ice into a gentle river that cleanses away past wounds? I can't tell, but the idea intrigues me. Granted I have known him for little less than two hours, so I don't yet have a good sense of who he is exactly, but I think I want to know. I think it would be nice to try and help him, even if only a little.   
  
I can feel sleep near me. Maybe I should take a small nap before lounging some more. I have nothing to do for the next two weeks. Maybe I should set up a meeting with Zechs as a thank you. Yawning I adjust my pillows and my eyelids feel kind of heavy. I hope he agrees…   
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Zechs Merquise sighed heavily as he switched off his telecom system. Leaning back in his chair he analyzed the conversation that had just played out. Somehow Quatre Winner had come up with the idea that he needed to express proper thanks and had invited Zechs out to dinner later that day. All expenses paid, he had said. It did sound tempting, he hadn't really been out to eat anywhere in a while. Sure he had lots of money and plenty of free time, but it wasn't the same eating alone rather than with a companion.  
  
  
  
Zechs paused his contemplation as a thought struck him suddenly. This all sounded suspiciously like a date…why would Winner want a date? Well, he thought amusedly, maybe he had realized my charm as I gallantly walked him to his camel. The thought made a chuckle escape from his lips. It was weird, the concept of going on a date. He hadn't been on one in ages, and it just seemed foreign to him now. It wasn't like he'd courted many people during or even after the war. He'd had one semi-serious fling with Noin, but it hadn't lasted long. She was a great friend, but he'd found that his interests had been placed…elsewhere, sexual interest in particular. Nothing against women, but he found the PMS, needy attitudes, and wistful dreaming all the time turn offs.   
  
In addition to Noin, a brief relationship with Treize Kushrenada had ended quickly upon his death. There had only been one serious relationship he could remember and that had ended in an explosive finally. Zechs shook his head, he hadn't thought of that in ages.  
  
Sighing again he stood and walked to his closet. Now he had to pick what to wear. It wasn't as if he was anxious, he just wanted to be prepared. He wasn't eagerly looking forward to this dinner, he wasn't.  
  
He stubbornly pushed aside the little voice in his head steadily protesting. Quatre wouldn't be there for another three hours. He had plenty of time. All he had to do was wait; it wasn't like he was anticipating it at all. No, not him. He chuckled to himself as he noticed his leg bouncing in the chair he had occupied. Who was he kidding, the…date…could be fun, and he was looking forward to dining with company. He couldn't even sit still!   
  
He was startled out of his amused state by the annoying sound of his telecom alerting him of an incoming transmission. After a few beeps it changed its tone and he knew it had to be Noin. He allowed a small smile to grace his features as he answered the message.   
  
Noin's grinning face greeted him and he was immediately on aware. She knew something, she had to! One just didn't grin like that unless they were in on some secret or something. He uttered a greeting and winced as her lips pulled even further back. He knew that look and he wasn't looking forward to the grilling that was to come.   
  
"So, Zechs, I heard you've been busy," she said, the teasing note in her voice ringing out clearly in the silent room.  
  
"I know what you mean. I've had tons of paperwork and I haven't found anyone to help me start up the new orphanage yet," he replied. Just because he knew what was coming didn't mean he had to go along with it. Noin laughed at him and shook her head.   
  
"That's funny, because I heard from Relena, who overheard Abdul and Rashid, who heard from Quatre that our dear Mr. Winner was taking you out on a date! I didn't think business had anything to do with your schedule" She grinned harder at him, if it was even possible, and winked. He stared on in shock, how could news of his affairs travel so fast? He himself had only been informed half an hour ago!   
  
"I never took you for a gossiper Noin. Now tell me, exactly what did you hear from my darling little sister?"  
  
"Only that you were going on a date with Quatre. Why didn't you tell me you were seeing each other? I didn't think you two had even met!"   
  
Zechs smiled at the indignant expression on his face. As his best friend she was usually let in on almost all personal matters of his and she must have been fuming that he hadn't told her something like this. "Don't worry; we are not seeing each other seriously. I only met him last week in a small village. He was dehydrated and I helped him to not pass out. He has decided to take me out to dinner as a thank you."   
  
Noin looked happy again and a mischievous sparkle brightened her eyes. "That's great! I'm glad you're getting out at least. So tell me, what do you think of him? Do you think he's shag worthy?"  
  
A bark of laughter came from the platinum haired man. Of course it would be Noin to ask such a thing. "Why yes, I find him the finest delicacy on two legs I have ever seen…"  
  
She laughed merrily and grinned. "I see you've moved up from four!"  
  
Zechs nodded slowly. "Yes, I found the four-legged creatures rather insensitive. They never cared about me, only the sex."  
  
Noin shook her head. "You know, you really are weird."  
  
"Yes, I am aware of that," he said dryly.   
  
"But really," she continued, "I hope you have a good time."She looked at something off screen for a moment before turning back to him. "Well that was Sally, she needs me for something right now, and you'll have to call me back after you're date. I want details!"   
  
Zechs nodded and reached to end the transmission. A parting comment from Noin made him tense in shock for a moment.  
  
"Oh and Zechs, try to open up to him, I think this man could help you. You haven't let anyone in for so long…just give him a chance. You might find something you like!"  
  
***  
  
[1]- Something that made Nomi laugh so I put it in!  
  
Hope you liked this chapter, there's another on the way. If you don't like it, don't bother to review. Flames will be laughed at. 


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